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PastPoop7/10/2003-Watch it!So,I have this job. This job requires me to do stuff, in the heat, when it`s hot out. Now, I have things like rent, food, and granny porn that require things like a constant input of money which requires that I do this job. So not doing the job is not an option. Certian things come from doing the job: one is a small supply of money. two is mild heat stroke. three is a large supply of anger. and four is the total and utter thrashing of my watch. 
Tasty! It seems that my ability to ``sweat like a fat bastard at a `We kill fat people` rally`` takes a toll on my poor watch band. The whole inside of the band is starting to rust, the joints are welding shut with my body gunk(tm), salt crystals are forming in the gaps between links, and small dirt colonies are taking root. All in all it screams ``Hey ladies! This man has functioning pores!``, not the sexiest image a man can put out... at least here in the states where our cultural standards are absolute and any other country who doesn`t abide by our way of life is looking to get the living shit shooted out of them. Now, some of you might post in the comments section of this article that I shouldn`t wear my watch to work. To these people I ask ``Okay genius, now how am I suppose to know the exact time I have till the spaceship lands? They only land once every -120.75 years! Jesus!``. And then you`ll respond ``Hey fucktard! This is a BurgerKing! We don`t make Tacos here! Now stop yelling at the chairs and leave. And don`t forget to take your tinfoil hat with you!``. Because we all know that crazy homeless people have web pages. Oh, the watch, right. So when I get home, I take a toothpick and get as much crud out of my watchband as possible. One time I did this over my black bathroom rug. File that under ``Good job fuckass! Now it looks like you have a huge dandruff problem``. It looked like someone took a hummle and a cheese grader and went to town in my bathroom. I didn`t know that so much crap could infest a watch band. Watch bands must skew the space-time dimentions of our plane of existance to fit that much crap in such a small space. Like in that episode of StarTrek, although I quit watching that show after Abe Lincon was found floating in space on a chair. Captin Kirk took that asshole aboard his ship! I`da blasted his ass first chance I had and I woulda ended that episode sipping martinis of the nude body of Captin Kirk`s blonde secretary. But that`s just me. So now I must ask Santa for a new watch this upcomming Labor Day, along with the death of Richard Simmons and the end of women`s sufferage. Because women have suffer-aged enough. Poop -BarnyardMessiah |
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